Good luck selling these properties

Selling homes – as those of you reading this are well aware – can be a difficult process. Now imagine taking all the difficulties you encounter when listing a home and applying them to these properties. Sure, on the outside they may look like a family friendly hotel or a cozy New England fixer-upper or even a gorgeous New York apartment with a spectacular view of Central Park but, in reality, these properties are haunted by ghosts, ghouls, goblins and more. Good luck selling THESE properties (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha – sinister laugh).

As seen in Beetlejuice: The Deetzes, from New York City, have asked you to list their New England home. They purchased it shortly after newlyweds Barbara and Adam Maitland were killed in a tragic car accident. The supernatural occurrences that the Deetzes have encountered include an afterlife arranged wedding between the Deetzes daughter and an obnoxious, devious “bio-exorcist,” spontaneous lip-synching of the Harry Belafonte classic “Banana Boat song” and Barbara ghost riding a giant sandworm.  The current listing agent for the house is a REALTOR® named Beetlejuice. Whatever you do, don’t say his name three times.

As seen in Ghostbusters: You present your client with this lovely New York apartment located in a desirable building with an incredible view of Central Park. Keymaster Realty has listed the property and the agent’s name is Gozer T. Gozerian. The previous owner reported strange behaviour coming from her refrigerator and both she and her meek accountant neighbour were once possessed by the spirits of Vinz and Zuul respectively. There’s no fireplace in the apartment, so your clients will have to roast their Stay Puft Marshmallows somewhere else.

As seen in A Nightmare on Elm Street:  Recently a number of houses on one particular street have all gone up for sale. The street is a picturesque version of small town Americana… for now. White picket fences, kids jumping rope, rambunctious teenagers and overprotective parents (who may or may not be harbouring a deep-dark secret). Recently though, many high-school aged kids have fallen asleep… never to wake up again. Keep your clients clear of… Elm Street.

As seen in The Shining: This hotel located in the picturesque Colorado Rockies is a shining example of past architecture. It has a glorious ballroom reminiscent of the roaring 20’s, hallways wide enough for a five year old to ride a Big Wheel down and a well maintained hedge maze that, if you’re not careful, you could end up freezing in. High season for the Overlook Hotel runs mid-April until mid-October. Accessing the hotel in the winter months can be redrum.

As seen in Friday the 13th: Recently town council decided that this former summer camp, nicknamed “Camp Blood,” can be developed for multi-purpose use. Previously, raging hormones and negligence led to the death of one of the campers and, years later, staff preparing for the arrival of campers, suffered a similar fate. The REALTOR® listing this property – Mr. J. Voorhees – is very superstitious and would like to finalize the closing on the next Friday the 13th!

Jonathan Baker, our former Speech Writer, contributed to the development of speeches, advertisements, and communications to our membership. Our staff knew him as the go-to guy at 200 Catherine for some comic relief. Prior to joining CREA, Jon worked in the radio industry in Ottawa. If you meet Jon, be sure to ask him to tell you about his encounters with many famous musicians while volunteering at a local music festival for more than 10 years.


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